I got up in my house in RI and grabbed some of my father's clothes to replace the clothes I destroyed in Kenmore Sq. I limped a bit when I got up and got ready to go to my Grandmother's 50th birthday. I say 50th birthday because as I tell her "I am kind of in shock that you are even over 40 looking at you." (Cementing favorite grandson status).
We drive into North Kingston where my mom's giant Irish family is assembling. All four of her other siblings are going to be there and about half of my three thousand first cousins. I walk in and am handed a Coors Light by Eamonn, my cousin who is closest to me in age. Eamonn is definitely a cool guy and has come down to New York to drink with me time to time. He has came for my last two or three birthdays. Eamonn and I are famous for getting into the only wrestling match during an interscholastic tennis match. Our mothers how to explain we usual decide who goes first instead of a coin toss.
We start to tease his Irish Twin Conor. Conor is a funny dude with a shady background. Conor was the kind of guy that ran the Craps game in the bathroom of a school semi formal. Eamonn and I start our usual interrogation about why Conor transferred from ASU to PC. The official statement is was he was "homesick" and some whispers of a time he woke up hung over in the desert. Conor asserts "I liked Arizona State fine, but I would liked it better if they covered the spread."
I say hello to the rest of my family, and then go down to the basement with Eamonn. There my cousin Conor is playing my two eight year old cousins in Halo. While they are starting to figure out the controls, Conor is screen peeking from a separate tv he is playing on. This won't be so bad except Conor is ranked in the top 500 in the world at playing Halo. So here we have one the world's best video game players cheating to beat his 8 year old cousins who have never played Halo before. Class act.
I step in making fun of Conor and say I will play with my cousin Timmy. At first Conor says I should play with both cousins but then his brother teases him for being a pussy. To be fair even if Eamonn and I both played Conor we would lose. I consider myself a good video game player but I simply don't put the time Conor does. He is proficient in every weapon, knows every level, and has near perfect aim. In fact Conor could have taken the weight of both 8 year old cousins and still murdered us.
We start playing when I realize that Conor is using his partner as Chase as bait. I decide to start flushing Conor out using explosives. Conor then starts driving vehicles into me to keep Chase safe. Or so I thought. Actually Conor sarts just leaving Chase in cars and running as soon as go to blow them up. He actually says "Well Chase it has been fun." as Chase pleads with him to tell him the button to get out. Eventually he starts knocking me out every time I move to protect my partner. He still tries to avoid me and go after the eight year old driving in circles. It would be like Jon Lester pitching around a minor league player to pitch a minor leaguer. Classy.
After receiving my beating I head upstairs to eat and take family photos which you need a portrait lens to take since a quardter of the population of Cork is in the living room. After that we decide to play cards with my grandmother who I affectionately call Nanny. Nanny is as smart as a tact and enjoys playing senile. She is hilarious. Lately she has been watching Fox News. This is funny because there is zero chance when the booth closely she votes for anyone that isn't on the Kennedy's ticket.
We start to play five person cutthroat HiLo Jack. The entire time Nanny is just destroying people's bids will continuing to ask what suit is trump and who won the last hand. She clearly knows exactly what she is doing, and is laughing as she screws people. I ignore her feigned weakness and play my hands close to the vest. I eventually win and celebrate like a Math Team Magic the Gathering victory. My dad ends up owing me a dollar for all the times my grandmother screwed his bids.
I grab a new Coors Light as I circle around saying my goodbyes. After teasing my Uncle Neil about Disney and watch the Bengals completely fall apart I take off with my Dad to New Haven. I get on the train back to New York where I was going to meet Agent XI.
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